Contrary to what you’re probably thinking right now, no, I did not lose my fingers in a tragic Cuisinart accident or decide to drop out of graduate school to go on tour with a new-wave banjo quartet.
Nor did I start competitively eating oysters, breeding champion English bulldogs or move into the wilderness to survive on root vegetables and homemade toothpaste.
I’ve mostly been eating Queso Melt and black bean tacos, too-old cornbread and Publix pumpkin pie ice cream from the carton over the sink in between group project meetings, writing my Historic Preservation research paper and screaming into my backpack in the second floor bathroom of Arnold Hall. To be fair though, I did thoroughly enjoy a pimento cheese sandwich at Parker’s Market today.
Anyway, all this blathering is me trying to avoid saying that I’ve been too insanely busy to cook anything decent enough to show you… for the past month. I’m sorry. As of now, I vow to never start out a post with a rambling apology again.
One thing I have had time to make is this code-red, five-alarm delicious skillet apple pie from one of the few things I make time to recreationally read Southern Living. If you’ve never baked a pie in a skillet, well, you’re not as happy as you could be.
Procure:
- 2 lbs. Granny Smith apples
- 2 lbs. Braeburn apples
- 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 3/4 cup sugar
- 1/2 cup butter
- 1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
- 1 package of pie crusts or make your own favorite crust recipe
- 1 egg white
- 2 tablespoons sugar
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees, peel dem apples and cut them into half-inch thick wedges. Place slices in a bowl and giddily toss them in the cinnamon and sugar.
Now silence your inner skeptic you fool, and commence the pie’s toffee bottom. Melt butter in 10-inch cast iron skillet over medium heat. Add the brown sugar and stir for 1-2 minutes.
Remove from heat and place one pie crust over the mixture in the skillet ever so gently. Spoon the apples over the crust, and cover with another crust. Cut holes in the shape of whatever you desire, fall leaves, quadrilaterals, hearts, stars and horseshoes, clovers or blue moons, maybe a giant “S” for Slayer or old-fashioned circles— whatever makes you happy. Whisk egg white until frothy and brush over the top crust. Sprinkle with remaining sugar.
Bake for an hour, but I’d check up on it in the words of Beyonce after 45 or 50 minutes just to be sure you aren’t burning it.
Slice it up, and serve with vanilla or butter pecan ice cream. Enjoy such comments from your friends as:
- “Holy crap, you made a pie?”
- “Um, wow this is, oh my god, mmm, so good.”
- “Will you marry me? just kidding but seriously.”
- “Thank you. Like really, thank you.”
